i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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