I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
