I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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