I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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