i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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