I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
