I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
