I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
