I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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