haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
