i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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