I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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