Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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