What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
