I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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