i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
