I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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