Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
