Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
