If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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