Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
