hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
