You made me cry and you don't even care
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
