she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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