I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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