Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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