you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
