dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
