All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
