I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.