Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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(516): View more from New York

Are you with Adam and his vodka?

(1-516): View more from New York

Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued

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(347): View more from New York

i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning

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(504): View more from Louisiana

You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

She had a baby Jesus butt plug

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(206): View more from Washington

2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick

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