I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom