Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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