I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
