I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
