You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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