OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
