Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
