Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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