Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
