someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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