Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
