...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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