How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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