My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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