yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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