I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
