I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
