I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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