I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
