The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
