You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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