dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So much Jack, so little girl.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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