literally had 100 drinks last night.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
