sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
