i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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