They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
