You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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