I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
