i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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