I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
