What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she told me i tasted like america
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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