You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
