Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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