i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
