Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
