guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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