saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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