Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
