Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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