Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
