After last night, I could never be a politician.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
