Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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