He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Found your dick twin last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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