he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
