I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
