I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
