Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
